


Expired

by ashanizer



Category: Free!
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Second Anniversary, shit happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 10:56:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6372070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashanizer/pseuds/ashanizer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru wanted to plan the perfect day for his and Rin's second anniversary, but human biology had other things in mind.</p><p>This could also be classified under HaruRintercourse Day 1: bad/awkward sex (albeit a week late), even though it wasn't written for the occasion and no actual sex takes place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Expired

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this is my first fic ever written, and, also, my first contribution to this fandom. I'm definitely more a reader than a writer, but I had this idea stirring in my head at 4 am and I had to write it down.

_You’ve gotta be kidding me_ , Haru groaned as he dashed to the bathroom for the 4th – or was it the 5th – time in the span of two hours. _Of all the times I’ve eaten mackerel,_ today _is the day that it decides to fuck me over?_

 

Earlier, Haru was scrambling around his and Rin's shared apartment trying to make plans to sweep Rin off his feet, but his breakfast consisting of leftover mackerel decided to throw a wrench into things (if his instant stomach pains were any indicator). As it so happens, today was Haru and Rin’s second official (everyone knew they were love with each other since they were 12, but they only decided to confess to each other two years prior) anniversary. From the get-go in their relationship, Haru and Rin decided that there was really no true top or bottom, so whenever they were in the throes of passion, their roles would alternate. And if it was written in the stars, tonight would be Haru’s turn to bend over and bare it all.

 

 _One of the most important days of the year, and I just_ have _to get explosive diarrhea._ Haru sighed as he hoped that this was the last trip he’d have to take. _Poseidon must have a real cruel since of humor_.

 

“Haru? You here?”

 

 _Shit_ \- no pun intended, he inwardly chuckled – _I could've sworn his Friday practices didn't get out till later._

 

 _Flush._ “Yea, just in the bathroom, freshening up!”

 

Haru went into a sudden panic as he heard Rin coming closer to the scene of the crime. He realized that, yes, after his quarter-day long bathroom escapades, it didn’t exactly smell like cherry blossoms on a sunny, spring day. There was no way in hell that he’d let Rin come waltzing in only to pass out from the fumes. After splashing his face with water to give a facade of freshness despite his earlier misgivings, he made a quick exit (making damn sure spray some Febreze on his way out) to meet Rin halfway down the hallway.

 

“Hey, you,” Rin formally greeted with a beaming grin.

 

“Welcome back,” Haru said, a tad too breathy after narrowly escaping an embarrassing encounter. His less than stellar composure didn’t sneak past Rin, though.

 

“…Is everything okay?”

 

“Yup,” Haru was never good at lying, but he didn’t dare tell Rin what really had him squirming. He decided to placate the worry in Rin’s eyes with a kiss. “Happy anniversary,” he amended.

 

“Mmm…” Rin happily sighed as he wrapped his arms around Haru. “I can’t believe it’s only our two year…anything special planned for us?” He flashed his signature smirk that held nothing but mischief and raised one eyebrow suggestively.

 

And as if on cue, Haru’s stomach decided to lightly churn again. He tried his best to conceal any discomfort on his face as he quickly replied with an “of course!”

 

Haru just hoped the feeling in his gut would prove to be temporary.

 

* * *

 

 

After coming home from their dinner out on the town – Haru strictly ordered light fare, much to Rin’s surprise – and settling on their sofa, Haru knew he had to vocalize his posterior problems to Rin, lest it become a much bigger problem later on when Rin’s dick takes him to pound town – wouldn’t that be the best present.

 

“Rin – “ Haru quickly silenced himself, what was he even suppose to lead off with? _Oh hey, Rin, just to let ya know, I can’t bottom tonight because there is a very real chance shit will end up on your dick_. Yea, not going to happen.

 

Rin’s attention turned from the nightly news to Haru’s face, prodding him to continue.

 

“Well…uhh…you see…I think I ate some expired mackerel earlier and while you were gone, I’ve pretty much-“ Haru took a deep breath, “-been subjected to our toilet’s mercy all day.” He practically slurred the last bit together, and his cheeks couldn’t be redder.

 

On Rin’s end, he only stared at Haru for a few seconds, comprehending what he actually said, then tried his hardest to stifle his oncoming laughter.

 

“Well, that certainly explains why you only ordered soup and salad at the best restaurant in town,” Rin finally said after gaining some semblance of control. “But why are you telling me this?”

 

Haru swallowed his pride and reluctantly said, “Be-because, it’s our special night and I don’t want anything to ruin it and – and it would it be ruined if my bowels decide to betray me as I’m…riding…you tonight. I’m sure it’s all out of my system now, but you could never be too sure, especially since something would be _entering_ my butt when all it’s been doing is _exiting_.” Haru thought he could just die of embarrassment at this point.

 

Rin’s laughter was definitely not controlled anymore.

 

“Okay, okay. Just stop. Breathe. Your face is redder than my hair; but, Haru, everyone poops, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. And I’m really happy that you love me enough to actually say that…but, tonight’s my turn to ride.”

 

“Eh?!” Haru peeked from behind his hiding place of the sofa pillow.

 

“Yea, see, right here,” Rin showed Haru his phone, which had notes on the calendar of when and who bottomed/topped. “Two weeks ago, you were the one who bottomed, so now it’s my turn.”

 

 _Curse my horrible memory_ , Haru chided himself. He could have avoided this whole conversation if he could’ve just remembered that damn little fact.

 

“Well, I’m glad we had our first really heart to heart on our second anniversary,” Rin joked. “I’m going to take a quick shower before we can put an exclamation point on tonight.” He gave a quick kiss to Haru’s forehead before traipsing towards the bathroom.

 

Haru thought nothing of it until Rin was a few feet from the threshold, but his shout of “wait!” came a little too late as he heard a quiet _thud_. Haru rushed to where Rin was now slumped on the ground; he could only conclude it was from the after effects of smelling the still pungent odor reeking from doorway.

 

 _If it’s not one thing, it’s another,_ Haru thought as he dragged Rin’s near-comatose body to their bedroom.

 

Their plans would have to be put on hold until Rin broke out of his induced daze and perhaps that was for the best as Haru felt a slow, but unmistakable churning in his gut.

 

The last thing Rin saw that night was Haru running like a seasoned veteran to their bathroom. He managed to mumble “happy anniversary, Haru” before completely passing out.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I can't be the only one who's thought of "does anything like that really happen in real life when it comes to anal sex???" Omg. I probably am the only one. *Hides in embarrassment* I'm probably going to get kicked out of the fandom with this. Also, I decided to say "poseidon" instead of "God" in Haru's earlier monologue, because come on, the reason should be obvious ^^


End file.
